EQUIP Short - Different by Design by Carrie Sandom
Many
years ago I was at a beach mission on the far north coast. I have fond memories
of teaching little kids ‘My God is so big’; of singing with gusto in the
massive tent as we washed up after dinner; of visiting local residents and
sharing life with them. Another distinct memory at beach mission was an event
that helped me to begin to understand what it means to work together as men and
women.
I was
moving a table in the massive tent and a guy came up to me and offered to help.
I was quite adamant. “That’s fine, I can do it”. I was trying to be patient but
I was thinking, “Who does he think I am? Does he not think I’m capable to move
a table? Just because I’m a woman!” He said to me, “It’s not that I don’t that
think you can do it, but I want to serve you.” That was quite a humbling
experience!
Different by Design has
reminded me, once again, of the goodness of being made differently as men and
women. We live in a world where feminism has reshaped our thinking about who we
are as men and women and seeks to undermine our differences. Being a Christian
chaplain at a university means that this topic comes up a lot! These educated,
capable women are told that they can do it all and in fact, they have a right
to do so! This book helpfully shows how this worldview could actually be damaging
our families and our churches.
Different by Design shows how our differences as men and women
are not only biological but essentially theological. The relationship between
men and women is actually a reflection of who our Creator is. In God himself
(Father, Son and Holy Spirit) there is perfect unity and yet diversity and
perfect equality and yet order. What a privilege to reflect God’s image in the
world as we relate as men and women! I’ve been reminded that this isn’t
something to be ashamed of but to be thankful for.
“To be
made in the image of God necessitates being made in relationship with others,
just as God himself is in relationship with other members of the godhead.”
Carrie
Sandom offers such a thorough and engaging exegesis of Genesis (it’s worth
reading just for this!) to show what it means to be men and women, distinct yet
dependent on each other. She shows the goodness of God’s order in Adam leading
and Eve helping him in the task of having dominion over creation, and yet how
devastating it is that Adam and Eve overturned the order in which God has made
them. We are no longer complementing each other but competing with each other,
we are no longer appreciating our equality under God but seeking to be supreme
over each other. And I think we can clearly see this in our world today! The
world wants us to believe that women are superior to men and that they can do
things better than men. Yet I was reminded that God is not pleased when we
despise or belittle or mistreat the opposite sex (page 60). We are not supposed
to be competing with each other, but being thankful for each other and for the
different roles we play.
I was
particularly struck in the book by the way that Jesus perfectly exemplified how
to treat men and women, with respect and dignity but also understanding their
different roles in the church and in the family. He called men to follow Him
and to be leaders of God’s people, while He treated women with respect and high
regard and understood their physical and emotional vulnerability, “Here,
then, is complementarianism demonstrated by the Master of its design.” As
we are transformed by the Spirit of God, we are to be people who reflect the
Lord Jesus. This has opened up new possibilities for me to examine the life of
Jesus in the gospels to show how men and women are to be treated.
Different by Design goes
on to show how this redeemed design as men and women is to be played out in our
families, churches and workplaces. I particularly appreciated Sandom’s thoughts
on the relationships of men and women in the workplace, which is often a tricky
issue to work out. She says that the order of relationship is particular to relationships
where there is a covenant in place, “Within the familial or covenant contexts of marriage
and the church, there is a diversity of role that demonstrates the
relationships within the relationships within the covenant community of God
Himself” (page 191). This means that this order doesn’t necessarily
apply in the workplace environment, and yet she helpfully suggests that, as
women, we need to understand that the men that we work with have positions of
authority in the church and in the family and we need to be careful not to
undermine them.
Sandom
asks some thought provoking questions throughout the book. She asks whether “our
(women’s) eagerness to help and be involved actually makes it harder for men to
lead us” (page 61). She reflects on the trend that less and less men are
in churches and ponders the possibility of women actually driving them away. It
makes me question whether I am encouraging the leadership of men in my church
or am I taking over their responsibilities and not giving them enough freedom
to lead? How am I helping them to fulfill their God given responsibilities of
leadership?
I’ve
come a long way since my early beach mission days. I now know the privilege of
being made as a woman, to be unique from men and yet to complement men. What a
privilege to be made in God’s image. I’m thankful for books like this that have
helped me along the way and offer such a rich biblical theology of the
relationship between men and women. At university, I often recommend God’s Good Design by Claire
Smith but now I have another book to recommend! And as we ponder these
things and learn from the wisdom of God, ‘may we learn to serve the God who loves us, and
forever rejoice in the knowledge that He has made us different by design.”
About this month's contributor, Elissa Moran
Elissa has the privilege of working as a Christian chaplain at UNSW. She loves chatting to students about Jesus and training students to keep serving him joyfully. She loves to play any kind of sport (although, frisbee is her favourite!) and to spend time in the bush. Other than that, she’s also very happy to have a nice cup of leaf tea while reading the newspaper.